I do and I don’t

Marriage. It’s a weird thing. Maybe its because I’ve never felt strong enough about someone, or because divorce is so common today, but why get married?

How do you know your with the one your supposed to be with if you haven’t met everyone? I guess it’s about taking chances and you hope your with the right person, but you really never know. So why get married? You can still live with someone, have kids, and spend your life with them and not get married.

We all have temptations, and we all have the ability to cheat or get feelings for another person. You can’t help attraction.

Why deal with lawyers, and the whole divorce process when you can just break up. Yes, with kids its harder, but dealing with a break up would be easier than a divorce.

Just a Thursday

So my Thursday night wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I went to my #1 spot Arctica, enjoyed a few drinks with some friends and met a tool bag. Normal Thursday night.

There’s not much too say about it, but I thought I’d share it.

So I wandered off from the people I was with and was sitting at the bar talking to the bartender. Than the tool bag arrived. Just sat himself right next to me and started talking. Okay. We’re talking for maybe 2 minutes, and in that time I found out he lived in Westchester. He comes out and says “Am I going to get lucky tonight?” I’m like why because its 2:15 and the last train out of Grand Central is at like 1:50. He said, “Yes.”

I look at him with disgust and he attempts to stick his tongue in my mouth and grab my boobs. Your fucking kidding me right? He got smacked in the face and was kicked out of the bar. Success.

Doesn’t even surprise me anymore.

 

NYC vs. Long Island

Nothing makes me happier than not living in Long Island anymore. It’s always the same shit there. Same people, same drama, nothing ever changes.

So last night, my best friend since 8th grade had an event at the club Butter. She was launching her event company and celebrating her birthday so of course I was going to go. The event went really well. The place was packed and people were having a good time.

The guys though. Long Island guys never change, nor do the girls. I don’t know if it’s the age there at or they’ll always be this way. First off, I don’t get why they just sit their and stare at girls and don’t approach them. Like, we see you staring. Now its getting creepy because you’re still staring. They do the Sit..Sip..Stare..They sit there. Sip there drinks. Stare. We’re not going to pounce on you because you and your boys bought a table for the night.

Than, I was outside and saw a guy that I haven’t seen in a while. We never hooked up, never had a thing, NOTHING. So we’re just catching up. What the fuck would the problem be? Long Island girls. That’s what the problem would be. As we’re talking this loud mouth bitch who face planted and needed to be helped up by the bouncer, was too big for her dress and too drunk for her own good starts stumbling over yelling his name and literally pulls him away from me. PROTECTIVE MUCH? It’s not even like it was just me and him talking. It was me him and one of my girl friends. What the fuck bitch? Your…

1. Drunk

2.Insecure

3.Fucking crazy

4.Fucking crazy

So me and this guy start talking again and another fucking girl comes over and pulls him away. Are you fucking kidding me? But than he hit me up to see what I was doing after we left the club. Oh ok. Right.

These 2 guys are talking to me and my friend Ashley. One kid is trying to impress us with his money, but its like come on we dont give a fuck if your going to pay for our cab and you don’t care how much it costs. BIG BALLER A WHOPPING $10 CAB RIDE. Let me undo your pants now. No. So these guys want to go to another bar, but you know the Long Island thing, they’re too drunk to even function. So 1 of them gets my girls number and he texted her 2 hours later to see what we’re doing, but than tells her he has to go back to long island now, but he thought she was really cute and wanted to chill again. What the fuck? So your too much of a bitch to say anything in those 2 hours you were still out, so you say it when your going to leave and you won’t have the chance of being denied? COOL BRO.

Now, I know I meet some fucking weirdos out in NYC, but there’s never the drama like there is when Long Island is around. You don’t have guys sitting staring at you. They actually approach you and want to buy you drink, talk to you, or something. You don’t have girls pulling “their” guys away, even though it’s not “their” guy

NYC: 1 Long Island: 0

Two Dates and Done

So remember boy#1 I talked about in my post Just A Friday Night Out last friday? Ok well he had texted me during the week and wanted to hang out on Wednesday night. I had told him I had dinner and drink plans with my girlfriends because that was the night I already had plans with Jeff from He Loves Me Not..No He Loves Me.

Thursday night rolls around and we met up at my favorite bar Arctica. Everyone knows me there so they always treat me and whoever I’m with good. So me and boy#1 are having a good night. There was good conversation, no awkwardness at all, which is good since I met him while already had a few drinks in me. He paid our tab at the end of the night, walked me home, and gave me a good night kiss. He also texted me after he walked me home saying how he had a good night and would like to do it again soon. Nice right? Is he too nice though? We’ll see.

Saturday I had went to the movies with a few friends and afterwards I met up with boy #1 at the same bar. Same thing again. It was a good time, had some laughs, nothing that made me amazed by him though. So he walks me home again and as we’re approaching my apartment building he asks me if I want him to come up and keep me warm. Um. No. That probably wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear but I don’t really care because I really wasn’t that into him. He questions my answer and I say again, “No.”

Now, he comes off as this really good guy. Sometimes though too nice is not good. But if your going to play the good guy role all night, don’t think at the end of the night you can ask if you can come up, and than get pissy when I say no.

So the next day I’m at the gym on the elliptical doing my thing and who walks in but fucking boy #1. Yes, we go to the same gym. He came over, made small talk, and he went on to his work out. So now, even if I never want to speak to him again, I’ll be running into him at the gym. OF ALL THE FUCKING GYMS IN NYC? Of course the one I go to. That’s my life.

It’s always something.

He Loves Me Not..No He Loves Me

Remember that guy Jeff I was telling you about in Stuck at a Standstill? Well, he came in last night to take me out. We got dinner and drinks and the night was going well. I thought I was actually going to have something positive to talk about it.

No, of course not. Why would I? I can’t get one normal night.  So we were hanging out at my apartment and he says, “You know I love you, I just can’t have a girlfriend right now.” Oh. Okay. But you love me? Fuck you.

1. If you love someone you’d be with them

2. He wasn’t drunk he only had 3 beers

3. He told me he loved me again

What? Why? I don’t understand things anymore. I told him to stop saying he loves me because that’s some bullshit. I understand he works a lot, and its hard because I’m in the city and he’s in Long Island, I get all that. But come the fuck on. You’re going to tell me you love me? Shut the fuck up.

One normal night is all I’m asking for. Not too much to ask for right? Guess it is.

I asked Jeff to leave. See yaaaaa. I’m not here to stick around for someone that loves me but can’t have a girlfriend.

Goodbye.

Emotionally Drained

The past year and a half being single in NYC has been one of the most emotionally draining experiences I’ve dealt with. I don’t need a man to make me happy, but the losers I’m meeting I could definitely do with out. It’s exhausting.

I couldn’t even count the amount of people I have met in this time period, and where have I gotten? Nowhere. It’s all a learning experience though. That’s what life’s about; taking every experience and learning from it. I love meeting new people and that’s probably one of the reasons I go out as much as I do.

Its fun, exciting, something new, and you never know who you could come across. Meeting new people is nice because it’s not like how it was when you were back in high school and everyone knew everything about you, who you had previously dated or hooked up with, and there wouldn’t be any drama.

As much of the fact that it’s a good thing, it has its negative side. You know nothing about them, and everything they say could be bullshit. It’s all about trust which is hard to give someone when in the back of your head you know it could all be bullshit. When you find someone you can give your trust to, don’t let them go, its hard to come by.

A good friend of mine was telling me stories of why he doesn’t trust women. I like getting the male point of view instead of always hearing the female side. He’s very attractive so you would wonder why he’s single. He was telling me how he has hooked up with women who have husbands or boyfriends of 8+ years. That’s fucked. He was so passionate though about how he felt about trust. He told me how these men go out, work all day, bust their asses to provide for their wife/girlfriend, and there these girls are cheating on the best thing that might ever happen to them.

I understand where his trust issues come from, because how could you trust people after you’ve witnessed it 1st hand? He thinks more women cheat on their boyfriends because we are much more sneaky than men are. Men get caught quicker and aren’t as conniving. I agree with him. He’s one of the most honest and straight up guys I have ever met and I appreciate him for that. 

Women don’t trust men and men don’t trust women which just makes for some pretty fucked up relationships. Its an ongoing cycle that will never end.

It’s hard for me because I feel like I am in on this all alone. I’m  not really close with my family, I’m just a 20 year old floating around NYC doing my own thing. I don’t have positive relationships to base my own decisions off of; Parents divorce, Dad passes away, Mom dates a few and than they break up, Mom gets remarried and they get divorced, and now we’re on husband number 3. So who do I have to look up to? Yes, I have my best friends I confide in and take advice from, but at the end of the day it’s just me and the decisions I make.

Emotionally drained.

Be Real

Could someone explain to me the male mind? Because I just don’t get it. Be straight up, be real, girls don’t care.

STOP SUGAR COATING EVERYTHING. WE REALLY DON’T CARE.

Why do guys waste their breath saying things just to maybe have the chance of sleeping with a girl? Be straight up with her that your not looking for anything and she might want the same thing. She might just want to have sex with you just like you want to with her.

Why waste your money out getting drinks if at the end of the night you don’t know if your going to bring her home? Your wasting your time and money on a girl you don’t want anything with more than just to sleep with her.

Why act interested in someone and get to know them if you don’t really care? Girls don’t care about what you have to say either. We’re doing it for the same reason you are. Maybe we just want to bring you home at the end of the night.

If both male and female only want sex, why waste the time and energy on bullshit talk if you both really don’t give a shit? Both sides are dumb asses. Just go back to someones place, get the job done, and leave. You never have to see each other or speak again.

Why tell someone your going to text them later if your not? The girl will still probably sleep with you even if you don’t text her for a week.

Why tell someone multiple times you want to take them on a date if you really don’t? Guys who actually want to take you out, don’t just keep telling you, they make moves on the situation and get it done.

Men forget women want to have sex just as much as they do. Why can’t we just speak up and be honest about what we want. Wouldn’t it make life easier? Yeah it would.

sex.sex.sex.

Just A Friday Night Out

Another Casual Friday and the girls and I went to Joshua Tree again. It’s fun, close to my apartment, it was freezing last night, and there’s always a story to tell after a night out to Joshua.

So we get there, say hello to all of our bouncers, walk right in, and the night begins. We got a round of drinks, start dancing and singing, and the look out for guys begins. It’s weird, because every guy I talk to is completely different. I really don’t have a specific type that I look for. So here’s how the night went.

So one of my friends is talking to a guy and he has a friend, so I go over and start talking to him. We’ll call them Boy #1 and Boy #2. I’m talking to Boy #1 and my friend is with #2. #1 seems chill enough, from L.A., so he’s laid back, good conversation, and not bad on the eyes either. My friend goes Boy#2 is a nice Jewish boy. I’m like clearly, he looks Jewish, he’s wearing glasses to the bar, and he lives in Murray Hill. Enough said. Boy #2 starts getting all claustrophobic and needs to leave. YOUR IN NYC AT A BAR. EVERY PLACE IS GOING TO BE PACKED ON A FRIDAY NIGHT. Move out of the city than. He walks out, but boy #1 gets my number.

So than, boy #3 and #4 come along. My friend and her guy were hilarious. Drunk, singing 80’s music at the top of their lungs, while me and my guy we’re enjoying are drinks and talking. They were completely different from the first 2 guys. They were very preppy innocent white boys. Mine was raised on the Upper East Side and the other is from a wealthy area in Connecticut. They met at boarding school and both went to Cornell. Oh okay, smart, wealthy, both work in finance. They just reminded me of guys straight out of a movie. My friend and her guy made out. The guys left, he got her number, but my friend definitely didn’t want him to leave. He was just such a pretty boy. So on to the next one’s.

The strangest ones of the night were boy #5 and boy #6. They walk in and start talking to us right away. My guy is an actor, so of course I laugh it off because every “actor” is really probably working at a restaurant. He tells me how he used to work at a restaurant., but now he is making money acting. Okay sure.

So I can smell his cologne, and I called him out right away for what he was wearing. Abercrombie Fierce. Are you a 15 year old boy that just started wearing cologne? He couldn’t believe I called him out on it. And he was wearing a shirt that said “For Rent.” His shirt just screamed Hi I’m a tool bag. And after talking to him for 10 minutes he tried to make out with me already. That’s a 21 year old boy for you. Did I give you the impression I wanted you to stick your tongue in my mouth? I don’t think so buddy.

So he tells me that the friend he is with is a male stripper. WHAT? A male stripper? I wouldn’t go around telling people that. My friend and him made out and she totally wasn’t into it so we did what any girl would do and we used the “We’re running to the bathroom we’ll be right back.” So my guy tells me he’s going to get me a drink while we’re gone. I don’t care if I’m into you or not a free drink is a free drink. Well he ended up with two drinks to himself. Me and my girl disappeared after the bathroom and walked out of the bar. My guy saw though because we made quick eye contact. I don’t give a shit. Have a great night with your male stripper friend, maybe he’ll give you a show later.

Overall it was a good night, met some good one’s and not so good one’s, but that’s life. I love meeting new people whether they’re claustrophobic, a white preppy boy, a 21 yr old dumb ass, or a male stripper. That’s what makes life interesting.

Thanks Joshua Tree 🙂

 

You’re Kidding Me Right?

A Friday night out to the infamous Joshua Tree located in the heart of Murray Hill. It was named by Time Out New York one of the top Hookup bars in Manhattan. I went with my roommate Jenna, and my two other friends Jenna and Alissa.

We walked into Joshua Tree with the 80’s music blasting and made our way to the bar. We got a round of drinks, did the walk thru (like all girls do) to check out the crowd, and than found our own spot to hang out.

Than we spot a group of 3 guys near us, and 1 of them was looking pretty good. They did the whole lets stare at the group of girls, but not say anything routine. Stop fucking looking and say something. They broke the ice when the very attractive one dropped his empty beer bottle. Some way to break the ice.

So we’re talking to them for awhile, and Glen (the attractive one) says how hes a Medic for the Marines and he’s only back home for another 10 days and than he goes back to San Diego. So he just got that more attractive that he wears a uniform.

So Glen and I are talking, he’s from Long Island originally, buys me a few more drinks, and than after being peer pressured by my friends he kissed me. So the nights going pretty good. Getting free drinks, got kissed, and was having a good time with some good friends.

Glen was staying at his friends apartment, but said he wanted to hangout with me more and suggested that he stay at my place. Now, I don’t bring back random guys, but he seemed nice, and I wouldn’t mind getting to know him more.

So we go back to my apartment, we’re laying down, made out, didn’t have sex, and than he says something that I am completely taken back by. Prepare yourself. I wish I did.

“I want to impregnate you, and have you come to San Diego with me.” WHAT THE FUCK? IMPREGNATE ME? IM 20. Now I understand we’ve all been drinking a little, but ummm..yeah..never got that one before. He said it again that he wanted me to have his kids. He asked me how I felt about that. I didn’t want to freak out because you really never know what people might do, so I just said, we just met calm down over there. I wouldn’t mind going to visit him in San Diego, that would be fun, I’ve never been to Cali. BUT TO HAVE FUCKING BABIES GROWING INSIDE ME? NO THANKS SWEETHEART. I swear, I meet every fucking weirdo.

So a little later when the alcohol was wearing off I asked him what that was all about. He said “Sorry, forget it, the military kind of fucked me up a little.” I said, “Why, because your 30 and you now want to have kids and a family?” Obviously his answer was Yes. Now I respect that he wants a family now, and that its hard to start one while your still involved with the military. BUT COME THE FUCK ON? YOU MET ME AT A BAR ON 3RD AVE TONIGHT? Such a Casual Friday.

I walked Glen out at 4am and than had 4 hours left to sleep before I had to get up for work. He told me he wanted to see me before he went back to San Diego, but I’m not holding my breath on getting a call from him, nor do I really want one after he said he wants to impregnate me.

New York City, I love you, but I’m not ready to get pregnant.

Stuck at a standstill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s funny how even after a year you can still be at a standstill with someone. So there’s Jeff. I met him over a year ago and where have we gone? Nowhere. Why? Who the fuck knows.

After we met we would hang out a lot. He lives in Long Island so I would go out there to see him and he would come into the city to see me. Okay fair enough.

We get along really well. We have a lot in common, so why am I blogging about this now? Because Jeff and I have had our problems just like any relationship does. We’ve fought, we’ve ditched each other, we’ve gone on dates, and we’ve had good times. Why do we even fight though? We’re nothing. There’s no reason for it.

This past weekend he came in to see me, which I didn’t think he would because he’s told me before he would come in and hasn’t. So he got to my apartment and off to the bars we went. It’s never awkward when we’re together it’s always a good time.

But now, after doing the same thing for a year, it’s like I met him 2 months ago. Nothing has changed. We’ve gone nowhere. He always tells me how much he likes me and how he cares about me, but than do something about it. I’m still doing my own thing, going out, seeing other guys, so it’s not like I’m wasting my time.

We haven’t slept together so it’s not even like he’s getting anything. Yes after a year we haven’t.

He’s 27, lives on his own, has a good job, so what’s the problem? After Jeff”s Dad past away when he was 18, he became very independent and didn’t rely on anyone for anything. Okay, I understand that completely and respect him for that, because I felt the same way after my Dad past away. His last girlfriend cheated on him so that’s always in his head. But come on, it’s been a year, we still talk, clearly there’s feelings.

Stuck at a Standstill.