Stuck at a standstill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s funny how even after a year you can still be at a standstill with someone. So there’s Jeff. I met him over a year ago and where have we gone? Nowhere. Why? Who the fuck knows.

After we met we would hang out a lot. He lives in Long Island so I would go out there to see him and he would come into the city to see me. Okay fair enough.

We get along really well. We have a lot in common, so why am I blogging about this now? Because Jeff and I have had our problems just like any relationship does. We’ve fought, we’ve ditched each other, we’ve gone on dates, and we’ve had good times. Why do we even fight though? We’re nothing. There’s no reason for it.

This past weekend he came in to see me, which I didn’t think he would because he’s told me before he would come in and hasn’t. So he got to my apartment and off to the bars we went. It’s never awkward when we’re together it’s always a good time.

But now, after doing the same thing for a year, it’s like I met him 2 months ago. Nothing has changed. We’ve gone nowhere. He always tells me how much he likes me and how he cares about me, but than do something about it. I’m still doing my own thing, going out, seeing other guys, so it’s not like I’m wasting my time.

We haven’t slept together so it’s not even like he’s getting anything. Yes after a year we haven’t.

He’s 27, lives on his own, has a good job, so what’s the problem? After Jeff”s Dad past away when he was 18, he became very independent and didn’t rely on anyone for anything. Okay, I understand that completely and respect him for that, because I felt the same way after my Dad past away. His last girlfriend cheated on him so that’s always in his head. But come on, it’s been a year, we still talk, clearly there’s feelings.

Stuck at a Standstill.

Our Lovers, Our friends, our stalkers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We have all had past relationships, where we end up losing friends to form a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why? Because we’re young and naive usually when we do this. It could take one, two, maybe even three relationships before you realize what you’re doing isn’t good. I’m very guilty of it.

Senior year of high school I met this guy, who at the beginning seemed cool. Well not so much. They make you feel as if you hanging out with your friends is doing something wrong. My ex did this too me all the time. And because I was young and dumb I would listen and began losing friends. Typical situation.

It got worse and worse as our relationship continued. He would blow up my phone if I was out with my girlfriends, with bullshit reasons. It gets to the point where we make excuses for them because we don’t want to look dumb for being with them, but we do.

My best friend knew it wasn’t a healthy relationship and gave me all the right advice, but obviously I didn’t take it. It’s always harder to take advice than it is to give it. Well me and her ended up growing apart because of this relationship.

I began giving things up just because he wanted to see me. For example I wouldn’t use MY TIME to go the gym, or see friends, or be with my family, because he wanted to see me. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? Why do we constantly stop doing things we enjoy for other people? In the end that turns you into an angry person and you start to resent the person you are in a relationship with. Thats one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned. Don’t give up anything for someone you love. If they love you, they’ll encourage you to do the things you love. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.

So after a year I finally ended this relationship that only got crazier after I ended things. I wanted to cut all forms of communication with him. We were never friends, we met and we started dating. He wasn’t someone I could be friends with. Well than the Psycho ex boyfriend came out.

1. 47 missed calls in one night

2. Came to my house at 2am

3. Facebook messaged my roommate pictures of me and him saying he misses me. WTF.

4. 12 page text messages saying how were destined to be and that in the long run ill see that and me and him will be together. YOUR CRAZY.

5. My mother had to get involved and had to call him to tell him to leave me alone

6. 5 minute voice mails

7. For about a year and half after we broke up he would still text me or call me on holidays and birthdays.

We all have a past. We all have regrets. We learn. We love. We grow.

The “Hey Stranger”

We all know what I’m talking about and we all receive them. The “Hey Stranger”. The text or message that you receive usually from someone of the opposite sex. You usually receive a text or Facebook message from someone you have hooked up with or had a relationship with in the past, or wanted to but didn’t have the opportunity. With the “hey stranger,” they’re usually saying it’s been a long time but I still want to hook up with you.

It usually goes as “Hey Stranger,” “How have you been stranger,” “What’s up stranger?”

Why the hell am I the stranger? Oh yeah I completely fucking disappeared from existence. No. Just because we haven’t spoken I’m the stranger? Because that makes sense.

1. I’m not the stranger

2. You could have texted me weeks ago

3. You obviously haven’t heard from me for a reason

4. I’m not “sketchy” because you haven’t heard from me

Now with Facebook, its easier to see what people are up to these days and its also a lot easier to contact someone. I’m your prime example.

Over the summer I received a Facebook message from someone from my hometown that I have not seen or spoken to in 4 years. He dated this girl I used to be friends with, but don’t talk to anymore. Talk about a “hey stranger.” He said, “Hey stranger, how have you been.” Now I’ll be nice and catch up with them to get to the real reason as to why I’m getting this message. So we start talking and he asks where I’m living which he probably already knew from stalking my Facebook because when I said NYC he said “No way, I’m interning here this summer.” NO FUCKING WAY. Of course he wanted to get drinks and meet up. SO basically I received this message for 3 reasons. He interns in the city, so I’m convenient for him. He works in the city, but lives in Long Island. Perfect. He hasn’t hooked up with anyone in awhile and thinks taking me out for drinks after not speaking to someone for 4 years guarantees them a hookup. He goes back to school after the summer is over 4 hours away, so he wouldn’t have to see me again.

So it gets better. Of course it does. I look at his Facebook, and he has a girlfriend. You think I’m lying, I’m not. Now its one thing to have your relationship status private, but to put it out there and it says your in a relationship and has the girls name just screams out “HEY IM AN ASSHOLE AND HAVE A GF, BUT STILL WANT TO GET WITH YOU.”

So obviously I ask him what’s with the girlfriend. He says “It’s complicated.” “Were not really together anymore, but I told her I would keep it up.” RIGHT.

“Bye Stranger.”

We’re all fucked up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s no logic behind how our mind works except that we’re all fucked up. Girls want a good guy whose going to treat them right but than when its right in front of their face they don’t want it because it’s right their.

We want to be chased, but than when we are actually chased we don’t want the guy because he’s right their and we know he’ll be right their. We don’t make sense, myself included.

I’ll give you a situation that I was in. I met a guy at a bar in long island over the summer. Now usually I meet all tool bags at bars, which is usually what you’ll find. Well the next day he called me and wanted to grab dinner. Over $400 at an amazing steakhouse, it was an awesome date, probably the best I’ve ever been on. Now the week after I met him I was moving into the city, so I didn’t want to really start anything, so I slowly just started ignoring his texts (I know that was immature of me).

Late summer I finally responded to him after about a month and a half. Now, you’d think he wouldn’t answer because I blew him off after he took me on an awesome date. No, he answered right away. That’s what we want isn’t it? Yeah, sure we do until its right there. So I figured I’d give him another chance and we started talking again and we had plans for that upcoming weekend. Well, me being the asshole I made up an excuse and blew him off again.

So now you think he wouldn’t contact me again right? Well he did. I was his chase. What he wanted but couldn’t have. So last week he texted me and said he wanted take me on the second date that we’ve been planning since June. So I answered for a few days, but than stopped again.

It’s not fun when there’s no challenge, but than when the guy is a challenge and we keep chasing we hate it. WE’RE ALL FUCKED UP. I do what I do because I know he’ll still answer.

It’s just life.

On the other side

We all give advice to our friends going through relationship problems, but we don’t take it ourselves. Why? Because we make excuses for the other person. It’s always easier to be the one giving advice than taking it. A girl I work with is going through issues with her boyfriend of 3 months and shes dealing with way more than a 20 year old girl should. For starters, he has a 5 year old kid and a crazy baby mama. They’ve only been dating 3 months and after being together for 2 months he got her name tattooed on himself. Weird. Shes a pretty Albanian girl that comes from a very strict Albanian family where she is only allowed to date other Albanians, but her Dad also says Jews are okay to date. Her current boyfriend is Dominican. So right there straight from the start there’s problems. Her family has no idea she has a boyfriend so the whole thing is a lie and she is always sneaking around. It’s no way to live your life.

Her boyfriend comes with a lot of baggage. Besides having a kid, hes only 21, has to take care of his mother, his other siblings, his kid, and he works 2 jobs. Yes good for him he does a lot but the girl I work with shouldn’t be dragged along. She always says how if it was any of her friends she would think they’re crazy for staying with him. She’s living in the past and remembering all the nice things he used to do for her. If a guy stresses you out more than he makes you happy, don’t be with him. She hasn’t seen him in a month. Now I can’t knock the kid that much because yeah he does have a lot going on but than don’t have a girlfriend. Clearly you can’t handle having one at this point in your life.

Now this girl is a tough bitch. She comes from a tough Albanian family that doesn’t put up with shit. So tomorrow is her 21st birthday and her boyfriend was supposed to take her to Atlantic City to celebrate Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Now the excuses roll in. He texted her at work and said that they’d have to go only Friday and Saturday because one of his jobs needed him to work. He found out last night and tells her today. Like you got to be kidding me. It’s your girlfriends 21st birthday tomorrow, you haven’t seen her in a month, and you have off from work tomorrow. Why can’t you tell your job that you had plans already and that’s why you were off in the first place.

Well he had another thing coming for him. So she called him and boy it wasn’t pretty. She just wanted to be with her boyfriend on her 21st birthday which isn’t a lot to ask for and she wasn’t even going to get that. Now I tell her my opinion. She shouldn’t be with him. He doesn’t have the time, the money, he makes excuses, and no man is worth a woman’s tears. Things will only get worse and her friends and her sister don’t like him which is never good. In the end, she can’t be with him anyway since her family would never approve.

She’s a girl I never thought I’d see cry or get upset over a guy. Even the toughest girls can be broken down.

As of right now, shes not going to go to Atlantic City with him because she’s not basing her birthday around his life. It’s her day, she shouldn’t have to.

Now let’s see if she finally dumps this asshole and finally moves on.

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree

As kids we are influenced by our environment and by our family. Some of us want to be like our parents and some of us don’t. I know for myself as a child I always said I’m never going to be like my mom in the aspect of relationships. But maybe the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I always said I would never be like my mom and be too nice and get walked over, but maybe its something that’s just instilled in your head and you end up not knowing any better. A functioning relationship isn’t something I’m used to seeing as my mom gets ready to get married for the 3^rd time. Yes, 3^rd time. So can we break the patterns that were so used to seeing? Break the patterns and set your own. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

Seeyalater.com

As humans we fall back into the same patterns, same routines because we like what were comfortable with. It’s easy to go back with people we know even if we know we’ll never turn into anything. So there’s AJ. Attractive, Italian, dark haired. Doesn’t get much better than that. It’s hard not to get feelings for him because he’s what you want, but can’t have. He’s the guy that doesn’t text you for 3 weeks and then gets right back into your head when he eventually does. He’s the guy that has a bunch of girl’s texting him and you always feel like you’re competing for his attention. That’s what we like though isn’t it? We never go for the guys that actually treat us right, because it’s not a challenge, it’s not fun. Guys don’t change, they are who they are, and that’s hard to accept because we all want to be the one girl that changes that one guy. The odds of that happening though are slim to none. We all have a breaking point and for everyone it’s different. After 6 months I’ve reached it. There’s only so much a person can handle before they just can’t do it anymore. So why now? Living in NYC at 20 years old, I shouldn’t be stressing about one guy. It’s not worth it. Time is something you’ll never get back. Don’t waste it on one person.

Got Myself a Date

Dating is a game and some are successful at playing it and some are unsuccessful. We all know the famous cliché everything happens for a reason, but its true. Timing is everything. Dating in New York City is a challenge as it is, especially for women since the ratio is 3 women per 1 man, so they clearly have the option to pick and choose. Today I met a guy as I was almost to my apartment building. I hear “so we’re neighbors, but we never met?” I turn around and see an attractive dark haired guy staring back at me. So I stop and start talking to him. I now have a date with this guy for later this week. I’ll tell you a little bit about him. His names Raphael, he’s 28, Israeli, originally from Brooklyn, lives in Murray Hill now, and works in the credit card business. Seems normal enough right? So after talking for about 10 minutes he decided to ask me if I would like to get dinner with him later this week. So I say yes. Why not? Life’s about taking chances and doing things you normally wouldn’t do. Timing was everything with Raphael. I had French class until 6pm and she never lets us out early, but today she did. Who would have known that getting out of class early would end up with me landing a date for this weekend? He asked me for my number, called me so I had his, and we went our separate ways. I soon got a text from him saying that he was looking forward to our date. Playing the game, or genuinely looking forward to our date? We’ll find out later this week.